"When the wine goes in, strange things come out"(Unknown.)

I was about four years old you made that promise you said it wont happen many times before I heard you tell me “Baby Girl YOU AINT GOT TA WORRY BOUT ME“ I stay up late nights hoping you come home sooner than you usually do. But my luck for that is zero to none.I hate this shit its keeping me from living the life I always want maybe the way you doing me is how I will do my kids or there kids will do the . I mean I only learn from example. what word can i use to show how Ifeel how you hurt me you cut me so deep that every time I see you its like im opening a old cut and poring salt in it. I ask myself is this really how you want to live life., going on and on and on hoping that the day you don't go to be around drugs or alcohol. Then I start taking second thoughts about wanting to bring kids into this shit hole thing we call L.I.F.E ,When I even think of it all I hear is L-Lies I-Insecurity F-Future that has war E-Eternal hope. I say whats the point